ON GOING BEYOND EXCUSES …

The purpose of this article is to realize how silly excuses are. Having been a proponent of telling people to stop saying, ”yeah but,” and still in my own life looking and searching and doing the same thing that I was instructing others not to do. I really don’t care is a good reason not to do.

People won’t be helpful or the right people just won’t show up in my life. It isn’t worth it. It will be a pain in the ass. How is someone supposed to move on when the critic is doing what it does best, criticizing. If the critical voice wasn’t happening or was what could be happening instead? I remember times in my life that, it didn’t matter as much to me to be mocked or made fun of and that my own self-applause was good enough.

At the current moment I harbor resentment for other projects that failed and the nay-sayers. How could one be thankful for this, time wasted? How do we reframe our losses? What can be learned? I could talk about so many things in regards to failure, and realize that this alone is a futile experiment and still as I try to control my emotions, the battle continues and it seems that doomsday wins before I even start.

Imagine trying to convince someone to buy something with all this going on inside. And while the storm carries on, as it has done many times you either get to your destination or not. You either get there or you don’t. And yet it is more complicated than that.

I strive to find a way to get people involved on a grand scale, to do the projects that would be fulfilling to me and benefit our community. I search for another leader one that knows how, I was left with no one to model, or worse people or individuals that seemed unobtainable or unreachable. And all these are just different versions of excuses.

At the current moment. it seems a struggle even to get through typing this exercise. Logically, I understand the deceptiveness of the mind and the defeat of ego. Why would I want to help?

Where has my spirit gone? Others have given so much and yet my small contribution is just a small fraction of the worth or value of that which created me.

I am merely a shadow of the shadow’s shadow and how does one proceed without internal motivation? And why is that the methods that used to work now fail me?