Fractured Bible Tales
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Fractured Bible Tales…
“Moses to be indicted for Murder. Exodus Postponed.”
“Abraham indicted in attempted Murder. Child Might be taken away here is what you need to know…”
“On first try Jesus turns water into vinegar. Tries Again. A lesson in persistence.”
“Apostles hate dirty jobs follow cult master.”
“Lord what about my boat payment?”
And then Mary looked at Saint Joseph and said, “Look Joseph-I outrank you. I repeat I outrank you. Mother of God. Mother of God.
What don’t you get?”
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After Jesus stopped his forty day fast he returned home rent free to eat some rugalach and matzo ball soup and sing Dayenu and Kumbaya with his mother and father and John the Baptist, Joachim and Saint Anne …
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Always surprised me that Jesus, Mary and Joseph never seem to be together and yet in the Catholic Religion we reflect on them as the Holy Family.
So I was thinking about the resurrection… And imagined what if Jesus held a press conference on the day he rose from the dead. Wouldn’t that have solved a lot of disbelief?
FRACTURED BIBLE TALES.
And then Jesus fed the 5 thousand and also the 94 vegans, who requested Tofu Lite.
Fractured Bible Tales
And now for the rest of the story. Little was it known that when Peter brought in the nets he was summarily fined as was Jesus. The charge fishing without a license, cooking on the beach without a permit, indecent exposure, operating a sailing vessel without a proper license, failure to properly maintain his boat and using his floating rubber ducky as a flotation device and catching fish that were too small and out of season. At last we know Peter was appealing to Rome.
Fractured Bible Tale:
WOW! What a promotion. And Peter responded, “Does that come with a corner office and a horse and a nice saddle and what is the salary? Do I have any staff?”
And then Jesus said to his Apostles, “Turn to page 100 in the Human Resources Manual ‘It clearly states, ‘Vacations will not be paid. You must ask for your days off two weeks in advance and in large bold print THIS IS NOT ALL OVERTIME.’”
