Customer Service.

“Go get a job,” my bossy, fat ass sister and brother-in-law intoned. My sister calls herself the words I used here. I was trying to save the world and they wanted me to get a job.

C.S. Lewis had a quote about living with other people which stated the bad thing was you always had to play by their rules. And my view was they changed the rules often.

“Inspirational beyond measure.”

Do I have to ‘enjoy the process?”

“Enjoy the process.”

“Gotsta start at the bottom.”

“They’ll love you here.” Never was a bigger lie ever spoken.

Carrying roses around was supposed to be an ice breaker or a tactic to keep my mind off the task at hand.

People were unusually friendly to me and as I walked into a department store that was just waiting to go into bankruptcy for the third time, one of the managers started a conversation. In a previous life we just happened to be from the same neck of the woods in a different state. We got along well and he hired me. He loved me until he didn’t.

We had a gentleman that worked at Customer Service who had a hook for a hand. Terrible guy to work with always paging me just as I walked into the door or barking some order at me. Surly.

One night I had a dream about him wiping his butt with the wrong hand. Apologizing in advance for those horrid things that my subconscious created while I was sleeping and dreaming. One day just after taking off my jacket and revealing my dayglo green vest, nametag and tie a customer walked up to me and asked for help. He should have worked for Captain Hook above.

Smiling, I introduced myself and we chatted about what he was looking for. Towels. Lots of towels. Somehow, I came up with 800 towels in departments that I didn’t know and through the arduous questioning of employees (did we have to play fifty questions-as to where we were hiding them. Mission Accomplished.

He thanked me for helping him and we proceeded to checkout and then I made a bargain. “If I could get you a discount on these towels will you never buy towels anywhere else?”

He agreed. None of the ways that I tried to give him a discount worked and yet I found a way to give him…